Jack & Redbull

Have you ever been to Walmart at midnight? On Friday night, I was having trouble sleeping because of a really annoying med change. So I gave up at midnight, got up, got dressed and headed off to Walmart (or Malwart as my daughter is fond of calling it) with my weekend shopping list. I'm not sure what I threw on but I can guarantee it wasn't prêt-à-porter. The Project Runway boys would have had a field day. At least I remembered to put my teeth in.

It's a whole different planet in the middle of the night at Malwart. No lines - a maximum of fifty other shoppers in the whole twenty square mile store. So, who are these people?

Well, I crossed paths with several angry drunk couples... where's the most logical place to go after an evening of Jack Daniels and non-stop bickering? Walmart!

I crossed paths with shiny happy frat boys... where's the most logical place to go after an evening of Paintball and Redbull? Walmart!

I understood the mission of the frat boys. They were carrying bacon and eggs and bread and orange juice. A boy's gotta eat a good breakfast (even if it's the middle of the night). btw, did you know that bacon is the new black for the 20/30-somethings?

I didn't quite understand the mission of the angry drunk couples. Were they shopping to avoid going home to an empty house, an empty liquor cabinet and a pissed off partner?

Well, Karma's a bitch and I could see it in their eyes when they crossed paths with me. They saw a tired old lady with hair sticking straight up and a wrinkled dress and I'm sure they were wondering "Now where did that old homeless lady get the money to buy Buitoni's Shrimp & Lobster Raviolis With Garlic Butter Sauce? What kind of system are we running in this country? How entitled does she think she is? How is she going to cook that? Who paid for those teeth? We did, of course!!"

Karma Ketchup! I deserved it for jumping to similarly snotty conclusions about them.

Next time you're tossing and turning, Malwart is my suggestion. Cheap and entertaining. Auntie Bucksnort gives it two thumbs up. (Now there's a homeless moniker if there ever was one. And you'll have to ask my sister why she named me that - long story.) Sweet Dreams!

btw, I highly recommend those raviolis. Enough for three meals for one person and really good hot or cold. $2.50 per meal. We homeless old ladies have gotta watch our budgets after all.

btw redux, I can joke about homeless people because I've been one and there's nothing I enjoy more than joking at my own expense. Might get me into heaven after all.

btw troisdux, slightly off-topic if there is such an animal in the blogosphere. For mosquito bites, make a paste of Adolphe's meat tenderizer and water (doesn't take much, just a dash) and dab on the bitesite before you scratch. This hearkens back to the days when we discovered that my daughter was allergic to beestings when she was three. I think her pediatrician recommended it. Adolphe's contains a papaya enzyme that breaks down the proteins in the bite. Works for me.