See, there's conventional wisdom...

...and then there's my wisdom. Mine is better, faster & stronger!

But let me back up a little. I was raised in the 50's, in a family that respected the voice of experience, a family that understood there's a logic in reading directions... it's not a creative choice, it's a logical choice. Well, actually, it's not a choice, it just is. I was taught by my family, by my teachers, by my occasional clergy that the most direct route to a successful conclusion was the established one. Just follow the instructions; listen to what others who have achieved similar successes have to say about how it was done.

My sister is bright, capable, adventurous, creative, imaginative and successful; successful with her life and successful with the projects she undertakes... simply put, she does it right. So what happened to me? Same genes, same upbringing. Or maybe I was the illegitimate lovechild of a traveling salesman - The Fuller Brush Man, perhaps? At what point along the way did these tools-for-success start falling from my little fingers? At what point did these time-tested recipes-for-success stop penetrating my stubborn little noggin? At what point along the way did I decide that I was gonna do it my way because I knew better? What's up with that?

Did it happen because I'm left-handed? Is the swirly romantic notion that left-handed children have to be more creative and resourceful in a world designed by and for the righties actually true? Was I born with this nonsensical - yet strangely seductive - little fairytale already etched into my dna?

I dunno how or where it happened, I don't know when or why I decided to turn left at Development Annex (an unpaved and poorly-lit cul-de-sac, incidentally) while the rest of the class was logically following the teacher along smooth brightly-lit Development Avenue. But turn I did. And I developed into a kind of off-kilter adult.

So here I sit, pondering the self-indulgently circuitous route I almost always choose when attempting to get successfully from Point A to Point B. I'm relatively average - not smarter than most; not more creative nor more imaginative than most. But this annoying attitude persists inside my head, this theory that says conventional wisdom may have depth but it doesn't have breadth. This theory goes on to say that my innate wisdom is the opposite, not much depth but a whole lotta breadth. Within this preposterous theoretical context, depth keeps company with words like pedantic, compliant, limited and limiting; this depth requires that one stand safely in one place upon a firm foundation. Breadth keeps company with such words as creative, imaginative, curious, limitless; this breadth requires one to jump and leap and twitch, to reach up and out in all directions to gently grasp the slipper of the muse. (insert lol smiley) btw, I know how mixed up and inside out and upside down this theory is. It's totally bogus. I know that. Or I should. But I do. But I don't.

When I begin a project, I do enough research to get myself amped up, to get my juices flowing. Beyond that, I might scratch a few more surfaces in the how-to department before I start scoffing, which I always do. I never follow the directions, I never listen to conventional wisdom because I always think of every project as some kind of high-falutin' journey of discovery. I always think I'm smarter, more creative, more imaginative than those who have tried it (and succeeded) before. And I always think that my results will be superior because... well because my innate wisdom is superior to conventional wisdom, of course.

Nine times out of ten, my results are disastrous - a messy smelly expensive bust. So I try again. And again. And in the end, when I finally succeed, I claim the finished product as my own original creation. Never been done before! Well..... ok...... but not like this!! In my own little delusional world, I fancy that I forged the way to an unparalleled success.

Now, if I had heeded conventional wisdom, if I had read the directions, I would have ended up at the exact same Point B as everyone else who departed from the exact same Point A as I did, but for some reason I need to declare it a totally unique, blindingly creative, stunningly original invention. I've just invented the perfect ____________ (fill in the blank... I invented them all! I could invent everything if only I had the time!!)

I waste a lot of materials, money and time because of this stubborn attitude of mine. But for some strange reason, my self-aggrandizement simply charms the socks right off of me. (How weird is that?) And being able to charm myself somehow fulfills some strange need that I haven't yet been able to clearly identify and grow beyond, develop beyond.

Maybe I should get out more often. Maybe someone else should be charming the socks right off of me. Maybe I should just read the damn directions. Maybe I should just recognize the following simple truth...