The Circus Comes To Town

I know zoos and circuses are inhumane... that's why I never started one at my house. Sure, the two cats (Spackle and Kiwi) perform their own midnight magic trick. They somehow manage to morph themselves into stampeding elephants. My house is designed so that you can go from the livingroom to the diningroom to the kitchen to the hallway to the bedroom to the spare room to the plant room and back to the livingroom in a big circle. Does logic dictate that since you can do it once, you should do it five times at full speed? How can two cats, who couldn't weigh more than fifteen pounds put together, make the sound of 320 gigantic hooves stampeding through the house at 1:30 in the morning? Somehow they do. And then they morph back into cats, curl up and go back to sleep. Magic.

Now that a dog has joined my family, it's like being the ringmaster of a three ring circus. We have Kalili the dog chewing up my clothes and anything else she can get her teeth around. We have Kalili spinning around in circles trying to catch Spackle the cat while Spackle runs circles around Kalili, chasing the end of her long elastic homemade leash. Once Kalili has her own legs wrapped up snugly in elastic, she cries because now Spackle is smugly and proudly sitting just out of reach, impressed with her own prowess. Kiwi's contribution to this particular performance is to watch disinterestedly, like a diva, as the new puppy behaves like the equivalent of a feline dunce.

Then there's the piddle ritual. When it's time to take Lili out front to the ladie's room, Spackle always tries to escape through the door too. So I have a spray bottle of water to encourage her not to try it. But she always does. And Kalili, a shelter pup, is still timid about going outside so I have to coax her out. When she's just about to step over the threshhold, Spackle makes her move. So I spray Spackle with water and she goes running back into the house and Kalili goes chasing after her to try and lick the water droplets off of her face. She's very protective of her bratty catpal.

Feeding time is like a juggling act... trying to get all three bowls down on the floor in three different corners of the room at exactly the same time so everyone doesn't immediately rush the first one, knocking it over.

I'm green at this three ring thing. A two ring circus was a no brainer. Three... I'm gonna need some schoolin'.

I can get a retractable leash for the dog (although I don't much like them because when you want the dog to stop, it jerks them backwards... but it's safer than this elastic stopgap leash). Problem solved.

I can come up with a couple of elevated spots for feeding time since the cats can jump up to any surface and the dog can't. Problem solved.

I can finish closing in the backyard once and for all so I can take the dog into the back room, close the door behind us, then open the door to the outside, instead of taking her out front. Problem solved.

I can stop stepping out of my clothes, leaving them in an irresistible pile on the floor and I can get 5,000 chew toys and strew them all around the house. Problem solved.

I suspect that Kalili is always going to act like a puppy. She does that bouncing dog-challenge thing with Spackle... she gets down on her elbows with her rump in the air and her head lowered, making jerking motions to try and lure Spackle into a doggy-brawl. Apparently they don't speak the same dialect so Spackle sits and blinks and looks at Kalili like she's having some sort of jungle fever attack. She loves to go outside on the coldest windiest days, over and over, so that she can sit, face the wind and fly her ears like a modern day Snoopy. All that other annoying stuff just comes with the territory but the cute stuff is just plain fun to watch and makes it all worth it. Very cute. Very entertaining. My own little three-ring circus.